As you are

“You raised the lights when it was frightening
You calmed the storm when it was rising
You found me there where I was hiding
All I have is here and now
If the ground beneath our feet has disappeared
I’ll be here beside you, always be right near you
Remember me, won’t you?
I know we’ve all got our problems
And it’s a blessing that we made it here so far
If you lay here in these arms tonight I promise
I promise to take you, take you as you are…

Rag’n’Bone Man 


The score of the end


“(…) Now I have come to understand the way it is… (…)”


“(…) and now that I’m a little older…. this is what I meant to say… Babe, I… already miss you…”


“(…) Hang in there baby, sooner or later… I know I’ll get it right (…)”


“(…) Não é mais dia 36
Tudo começa outra vez
Esquece e não pensa mais…”

Or so I hope.

“(…) I have a headache in my chest, from all the chaos that you left… (…)”


“(…) Take my tears and that’s not nearly all!… Tainted love… (…)”


“(…) ‘Cause we both know I’ll never be your lover
I only bring the heat
Company under cover…
Filling space in your sheets (…)”

Painfully right, from the first time I’ve heard.

“(…) I’m so sorry for that ghost I made you be
Only one of us was real
And that was me
And I wish there was a treaty we could sign
I do not care who takes this bloody hill
I’m angry and I’m tired all the time
I wish there was a treaty, I wish there was a treaty
Between your love and mine”

Wrong!… and right.

“(…) Beneath the stains of time
The feelings disappear
You are someone else
I am still right here
What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way…”

That’s unfortunately right.

But/And so I will.


Gimme back my bullets


Lately I’ve been trying real hard to focus on the good side of things, and on how much I have grown and learned with my past and present experiences. However, on some days, this exercise seems to be too hard and lonely.

For the past 24 hours — especially after going through some draft e-mails which were never sent, and revisiting all sorts of old memories — I’ve been thinking of all I’ve lost…

… and one of those things was the chance of being tread on.

Things aren’t great, all and all. But life and some people never cease to amaze me from time to time.

* * *

“Life is so strange when its changin’, yes indeed
Well I’ve seen the hard times and the pressure’s been on me
But I keep on workin’ like the workin’ man do
And I’ve got my act together, gonna walk all over you

Gimme back my bullets
Put ‘em back where they belong
Ain’t foolin’ around ‘cause I done had my fun
Ain’t gonna see no more damage done
Gimme back my bullets

But I’m leavin’ this game one step ahead of you
And you will not hear me cry ‘cause I do not sing the blues

Gimme back, gimme back my bullets
Oh, put ‘em back…where they belong…”


Lonely day

“(…) Such a lonely day
Shouldn’t exist
It’s a day that I’ll never miss
Such a lonely day
And it’s mine
The most loneliest day of my life

And if you go, I wanna go with you
And if you die, I wanna die with you

Take your hand and walk away…

The most loneliest day of my life…
The most loneliest day of my life…
The most loneliest day of my life!…

Such a lonely day
And it’s mine
It’s a day that I’m glad I survived…”

Another day, the same “basic” feeling: nostalgia. The past says ‘hi!’.

Amy’s guts churned; but today I feel as if it is my heart.

Find me

A reflection that started before that, but was only “formally” set on March 30th, at around 19:50.

“Find me”. Isn’t that ironic?

It is a song that has no traces; no download links available, no lyrics, and barely no references to it. The band doesn’t even exist anymore. It’s almost as if it had never existed.

But it did. It still does.

Not only when I listen to it (and it is still a wonder to have it – especially since you simply can’t find it anywhere else); it is quite alive when I sing it, or even when I remember of it.

Maybe it is like a riddle: it is someone (a really ‘beaten-up’ someone) telling another person (probably a – or THE – loved one) that they hope the other will find them, no matter what. They just pray the other will find the road that leads to them (and who doesn’t?!).

… and the first obstacle is actually finding the song.

It made me remember of “What Dreams May Come”, as well. This movie is like a distant memory from my childhood – as a dream would be. In it Robin Williams goes after his wife, even in hell. Even after death. He tries to find her, despite… well, despite everything. And he does.

Anyways, this song is not just ‘out there’. But, as some things and some people, it is still somewhere to be found.

(And any of these quests may be more than worthwhile.)

* The muffled sound is a special offer from one of our city’s official sponsors, mr.  Rainy.

Wish you were here

“So, so you think you can tell
Heaven from Hell,
Blue skies from pain.
And did they get you to trade
Your heroes for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
And did you exchange
A walk on part in the war
For a lead role in a cage?

How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We’re just two lost souls
Swimming in a fish bowl,
Year after year,
Running over the same old ground.
What have we found?
The same old fears.
Wish you were here”


“Are you really here, or am I dreamin’?
I can’t tell dreams from truth
For it’s been so long since I have seen you
I can hardly remember your face anymore

When I get really lonely
And the distance causes only silence
I think of you smiling
With pride in your eyes
A lover that sighs”

Why do I still cry? What is there to miss?

I just want to get some sleep… If you’re there, just give me that. One night; that’s all I ask.