You want a war?

 

Do you want a war EP11S02.png

Amanita — Here’s the thing…: we all wake up and we have to tick the same Terms and Conditions box.

Everyday stuff will happen to you. Some of it will be good. Some of it will be bad.

Choice is less about what happens than it is about how we deal with it.

[she gets out of bed]

I’ve been thinking a lot about all the things that have happened to us over this past year. I won’t lie: sometimes it’s terrifying. And sometimes it’s incredibly exciting.

It’s been maddening… enlightening… confusing… and always unpredictable.

However, I don’t think there’s been a single day when I didn’t hear that same voice in my head telling me: ‘Whatever you do… do not let her go’.

[she gets a small box from a cupboard; she goes up the bed, opens it, and inside there’s an engagement ring]

Nomi Marks… Will you marry me?

[Nomi gasps]

Nomi — Oh, my God… Oh, my God, I don’t believe this.

Amanita — What?!

[Nomi gets a box under the bed, and takes from it a smaller box; she opens it, and there’s also an engagement ring in it]

Nomi — Amanita Caplan, will you marry me?

[they laugh]

Amanita — Abso-fucking-lutely!… You?!

Nomi — Every day of my life.

 

Sense8 (Netflix, 2017), Season 02, Episode 11.

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Fragment 2 – Crisis

 

Resultado de imagem para women devil human skin illustrations

 

I wasn’t feeling okay last night. It was as if my skin didn’t fit me right.

And then an anxiety crisis knocked on my door this morning. Fortunately, despite opening it a little, I was able to keep it out.

But I had help.

And this meant and means the world to me.

Still: what can we grasp from the causes and consequences? Which facts or events caused this?

It is a sum of things actually — something which is not that hard to understand.

The hardest part is, as usual, knowing how to deal with it.

 

5:10am

She’ll be so upset when we tell her you’re not here anymore… More than we are, and it is already a lot.

And she will feel even worse when we tell her it was today, many months before the day she will find out you passed away.

You were probably her favorite; did you know about that?! Until the other one — “mine” — left us you were so playful!… Then, apparently, the perception of death hit you and you were changed forever.

I didn’t even want you in the first place! I remember they went out one day and I had to “babysit” you. It pissed me off, because you could stay neither outside (otherwise you would cross the gate bars, since you were just a little light brown ball of fur with hazel-greenish eyes), nor in (and I found out about that the “smelly way”, after you crapped all over the kitchen floor).

But you were already here, so, what could I do? I took care of you throughout the years, but I know I haven’t given you all the love I could, and I’m terribly sorry about that. I have been feeling like that for years, actually, but I was always so distant, so egoistic, so immersed in myself…

The tears I have already cried (and I’m sure many more are on their way) are sincere, though. And they roll down my face not only because you are gone, but also because I know how this will make her heart ache.

This has been such a difficult period for all of us! So much has happened in a relatively small period of time… When you got sick months ago it was already hard, but now this!… This is the worst blow of the year –another lie (and another harsh feeling) we will have to hide deep inside of us… (at least for now).

… we are really, truly and deeply sorry, dear.

From your name to the odd colors of your fur, the memories of you will follow me (and haunt me) until my time comes.

We did what we could, and still we can’t even understand this whole episode, since everything happened so fast. Probably, for a while, we will keep calling your name, and then pain will strike us when we realize you won’t come.

It made our hearts sink to see you in such a delicate situation; I didn’t want it to go that way, but I’m relieved it doesn’t hurt you anymore. Money can buy a lot of things in this world, but it couldn’t bring you back to us. But you were strong until the end, and we’re proud of you for that.

Even though this may sound as a cliche, you will be with us forever, when we tell one of your stories or see another dog that resembles you.

I’m really, really sorry dear. I can’t say that enough. But, if there’s actually something as “life after death”, I hope you live on.

For her

Wednesday, October 14th, 8:26 am

“The weight of the things
that remained unspoken
built up so much
it crushed us every day…”

It broke my heart to see you cry. It did, it does and it will do every single time. It broke it in approximately one million little pieces.

I wish I could do more for you, and it actually makes me sad/mad/crazy and it gives me headaches and heartburns ‘cause I can’t.

I know I don’t say it enough — and I’m sorry, again, for that — , but I love you. I really, truly, deeply do.

Even though shit is basically the same with you so far away (there’s no reason to lie), I miss your presence. Some nasty feelings grow without you, and so does solitude, but the thoughts of you and of the life we have lived together make me smile. I’m really proud of you; we all are. You’ve got it in you — believe that.

It’s hard to pretend I’m strong — ‘cause I’m not. But I’ll do it for you, over and over again, until things are all right.

I miss you, and I love you dearly.

I’m more restless than the usual these past few days (and nights!), as you probably are as well, but I’m sure things will work out somehow; just trust time.

Take care, dear.