5:10am

She’ll be so upset when we tell her you’re not here anymore… More than we are, and it is already a lot.

And she will feel even worse when we tell her it was today, many months before the day she will find out you passed away.

You were probably her favorite; did you know about that?! Until the other one — “mine” — left us you were so playful!… Then, apparently, the perception of death hit you and you were changed forever.

I didn’t even want you in the first place! I remember they went out one day and I had to “babysit” you. It pissed me off, because you could stay neither outside (otherwise you would cross the gate bars, since you were just a little light brown ball of fur with hazel-greenish eyes), nor in (and I found out about that the “smelly way”, after you crapped all over the kitchen floor).

But you were already here, so, what could I do? I took care of you throughout the years, but I know I haven’t given you all the love I could, and I’m terribly sorry about that. I have been feeling like that for years, actually, but I was always so distant, so egoistic, so immersed in myself…

The tears I have already cried (and I’m sure many more are on their way) are sincere, though. And they roll down my face not only because you are gone, but also because I know how this will make her heart ache.

This has been such a difficult period for all of us! So much has happened in a relatively small period of time… When you got sick months ago it was already hard, but now this!… This is the worst blow of the year –another lie (and another harsh feeling) we will have to hide deep inside of us… (at least for now).

… we are really, truly and deeply sorry, dear.

From your name to the odd colors of your fur, the memories of you will follow me (and haunt me) until my time comes.

We did what we could, and still we can’t even understand this whole episode, since everything happened so fast. Probably, for a while, we will keep calling your name, and then pain will strike us when we realize you won’t come.

It made our hearts sink to see you in such a delicate situation; I didn’t want it to go that way, but I’m relieved it doesn’t hurt you anymore. Money can buy a lot of things in this world, but it couldn’t bring you back to us. But you were strong until the end, and we’re proud of you for that.

Even though this may sound as a cliche, you will be with us forever, when we tell one of your stories or see another dog that resembles you.

I’m really, really sorry dear. I can’t say that enough. But, if there’s actually something as “life after death”, I hope you live on.

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