Another one of those has arrived today. Funny how things go. “Funnier” how some things change while others seem to remain just the same.
It’s nice to actually see that I have moved on from then up to now — even if it was just for a couple of inches.
Perhaps I’ll finally get the courage to do some of the things which I’ve been “postponing” — or, maybe and at least, cutting some knots that still tie me to the ground.
I wonder, however, for how long I’ll still be writing about some topics (which will still be on the letter I’ll write today).
One day at a time, I guess; I just gotta keep on living this A.A. life.
November 16th, 2014
Dear Future Me,
I had completely forgotten about this letter.
I was impressed with how brief I was, since I tend to be much more ‘prolix’ than that.
Well, let us see: things have been fucked up, I guess.
Among lots of problems at the new school, I think I am (despite suffering and being so stressed and sick), finally, making some decisions.
I have good chances of going back to school*, and I’m proud to say this is due to my own work.
If that happens, I think a lot will change drastically — and I’m cool with that. I kinda hope for that, actually.
I’m still really lost; I don’t know who I am, and I don’t know who I wanna be. I don’t even know if I wanna “be” at all.
But here I am, still trying, ‘cause I know that’s all I got left.
I have, at last, seen many people’s true colors, and I’m yet figuring out how to deal with that: I have been learning that I’m my first priority.
Therapy continues, and, even though it’s hard sometimes, I’m grateful for the learning process.
I have written a lot this year, and that’s just great. Also, due to that, I have met some people. Nice people, by the way.
And writing has helped me to put things in order in my mind, and has helped me to deal with many feelings (including pain, anger, and how much I still — ugh — miss him. I hope he’s okay, though, and I hope I’ll be fine as well).
That seems to be it… I really expect all is way better next year.
*I’m afraid of seeing him, her… them. But this is MY goal, and they won’t “scare” me anymore.