Sunday, November 8th, 1:05am
Forgive me if I’m not good at it, but tonight I pray for the first time in years.
I pray for you to be kind — towards me and others.
And I hope you can help me to wind down my troubled, restless mind and soothe my chaotic soul.
I wish you can help me to understand and deal with the fact that some things and people are already far in the past — and, even though I miss them so dearly, if they are there, this is, most likely, where they should really be. Help me to control the impulses to constantly look back — but, when I do, may I see the beauty in them (not the rotten, nor the pain).
I also wish you can help me to enjoy the good moments and my achievements, since, regardless of how bad and miserable I can feel about myself/the person I am, I’m actually doing a lot — specially for others. May I be proud of myself for a change.
Perhaps you can increasingly help me to love myself; this way, maybe, all the ghosts, the self-loathing and the shadows that hinder my sight will go away.
I know I shouldn’t burden you like that (and for that I apologize); I don’t even know if I have all this faith (and I’m deeply sorry about that as well). But you are all that I’ve got.
And having you is probably all that I (should) need.
I can’t wait to meet you, and I hope to see you soon, future self.